Giving It Up

I have worked for a couple hours each day this week sorting through my procrastination piles- clothes, paperwork, stuff, etc. Last night while I waited for Mr. Incredible to get home I tackled the computer counter. It's amazing there really still is a white counter under all that paperwork and those items of "what does this belong to?". I would love to say that I got all the paperwork sorted and put up and, and, and... Nope it's now on the bench by the backdoor, but I did work on sorting! I even threw away some!!!!

I think Mr. Incredible's "we may need it someday" philosophy has had an effect on me. I have two file drawers filled with Mr. Z's and Mr. J's early artwork and other things they have done over the years. As a homeschooler you want to keep some things to show proof of what you have done, but when is enough enough?!

I want my kids to know how much I cherish them and that is of course reflected in all the little do da's they create and I keep, right? Wrong! I have become a slave to Sunday School papers and crafts, school projects, that "I made this for you", "this is their first ___", etc.!!! My children aren't going to think that I'm a great mom because I saved every memento from their childhood if I can't have the decency to look them in the eye when they are asking me something. I can't make myself a perfect mom by scrapbooking the right way with the "right" things.

The last four days have made me take stock that I still want to be the perfect mom. I sadly thought that I was over this, but the piles of recital programs, AWANA do da's, certificate of completion of the summer reading with attached lists of what they've read have made me see that I want to at least somehow make my crazy and chaotic life appear normal and perfect even if it is only in a scrapbook or some keepsake box. But I am only bringing chaos and more things to clean when these items turn into piles and the piles cause guilt and the guilt makes me feel like I am a failure.

God never gives us more than we can bear, but what burdens (or activities) have you brought on yourself and are saying that God gave you? I once heard this story of a woman who was at the bottom of a hill with an empty wheelbarrow. She prayed that God would give her a purpose, so God told her to pick up the rock next to the wheelbarrow and take it up to the top of the hill. So she picked up the rock and started up the hill. She hadn't gone very far when she saw another rock and thought, "I'll take this one up too". As she kept going up the mountain she kept picking up rocks, small ones and big ones, and her load kept getting heavier and heavier. Straining with each step as she pushed her heavy laiden load ehe called out to God to help her to make it to the top of the hill. She told God that He had given her to much of a load. God in his infinite wisdom responded, "I only gave you one rock, you took the rest on yourself".

Ahh, that I can give up all the rocks that I've piled on. God doesn't want perfection from me (or anyone). He knew I(we) couldn't be perfect and that is why He sent His son to die for my(our) imperfections. God only wants me to be more like HIM- loving, patient, gentle, kind, self-less, giving... That's probably a big enough rock right there ;)