Emotions- What Really Happened

I have tried for the last three weeks to put into words the emotions of all that has happened with adopting Elizabeth. I can't, but I will try. This will probably be a long one.
The whole experience was AMAZING. There were many ups and just as many downs over the course of the 21 1/2 months it took from filing our application till she was in our arms.
Knowing that your getting on a plane to get a child that you have never met and might not have all the "right" background information on, but that you love so much already is a WONDERFUL and terrifying experience at the same time- EXTREMELY SURREAL. We had never done anything like it before. There was always the question (at least in our minds) of is this really going to happen? There were so many delays with our paperwork in China and then the whole new deal of the US requiring TB tests for adopted children (2 and over), but not regular immigrants....there was always this "catch" in the back of our minds that something would happen. We had that "what if?" looming over us for over two weeks- until we got her US visa. It's not that we didn't trust God, we just know that God will sometimes stretch us (even when we already feel stretched to the breaking point, He can usually find something else we need to work on).
So we arrived in China, Rick almost got quarantined (that wold have meant me too and who knows how many people from our plane) and then we had two hours to shower, repack and ready ourselves for the business part of the trip. The business part went well- now we could focus on the adoption. There is a point where your body is so exhausted it doesn't know how to sleep (really sleep)- I was there. There was the sleep deprivation in traveling to China and flipping days and nights, but since July 2007 I have "heard" a child crying out for their mama. (It may sound strange, weird, psychotic, etc.) I remember one morning "hearing" it so clearly I began crying, I was powerless, Mr. Incredible had said he wasn't ready to adopt. So, back to China. We had two days before we were to get Elizabeth, remember the whole cleaning freakout blog? Yeah, that was in those two days.
We finally arrive at a VERY CHAOTIC room filled with somewhere between 30-50 adoptive couples, families started being united and then we found out that Elizabeth wasn't there yet. BIG "WHAT IF?" HIT ME. When Elizabeth finally arrived and we saw her and then got her moments later, it was like it was happening in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. You've been waiting all this time and it can't happen quick enough in one way. But then there is this child you have never met before, you see her, take her and then the person who brought her is gone! I have read books about toddler adoption and attachment. All of them say the child will grieve and should grieve. So here we are in a VERY LOUD and CHAOTIC room because children are screaming EVERYWHERE, but not Elizabeth! Oh no, another "what if?", she's not going to attach to us! She's not grieving!!! Now the books had said that there were a few children that never cried and still attached well to their new family. I had also been praying that God would prepare Elizabeth for us. That He would prepare her heart for her new family. (A family that got to meet Elizabeth the month before we traveled even commented on how it looked like she was looking for her family.) So her not crying was a bit alarming, but I also thought that maybe God had answered our prayer. That night I slept, really slept. The child that I had "heard" more than two years before was finally safe in her mother's arms. Elizabeth adjusted very quickly to us and continues to bond with her new family.
There have been struggles. I can't say that I relished feeding her with a syringe for over two weeks, but we were able to provide the nourishment she needed in a way that she would take it. Thank you God that I remembered to pack a syringe for medicines and that she coughed all of twice so that I gave her some immune boosters and found out that she would accept a syringe. She had accepted nothing else other than a bottle and cheerios before that.
Our lives are settling down some. We have something resembling a schedule going. We continue to have moments of elation as well. She now gives kisses to Mommy and Daddy. She will feed herself cheerios now. She has learned the sign for "more". She sleeps well in her crib at night. Each day is an opportunity for her to learn and bond closer to our family.
Someone asked me the other day if she was Chinese after hearing we had recently returned from China. I paused for a moment and then replied in the affirmative. During that pause, I stopped to think if she really was. I don't think of her as Chinese, she's my daughter. I may have had to travel to China to get her, but she has been in my heart since before she was born.